Mr Pickles run’s a weekly wedding surgery on Love Scarlett on a Friday. If you have any wedding questions please make sure you email him at MrPickles@LoveScarlett.com.
Dear Mr Pickles,
Please help me. In my many years as a single gal and before I met my future husband, I had several boyfriends. I am still very fond of many of these exes, but unfortunately, these sentiments are not shared by my parents who openly despise most of them. They especially hate the ones who went out with me FOR YEARS and did not propose.
The thing is, in the spirit of ‘forgive, forget and watch me get married’ I’d like to invite some of these old flames to my wedding. My future husband doesn’t mind, as he realises my heart belongs to him. But I daren’t mention this plan to my mother and father who are shelling out several thousand pounds on my Big Day.
So, do I leave my old amours off the guest list, or sneak them into the back of the church in the hope my mum doesn’t notice..?
Help me, Mr Pickles, I am deeply confused.
Love Samantha x
Thank you so much for writing to me.
There are so many ways to look at this and I have pondered long and hard on your question. And after careful consideration and countless counter arguments that have gone on in my head, I kept returning to my initial reaction which is “NO” do not invite your exes to your wedding.
These are my thoughts
Whilst your wedding is about you and your future husband you also have to think beyond yourself and your wants, feelings and think about the happiness of others.
When you and your husband have been planning the wedding I am sure you have poured over every little detail, like “What would be the best white wine to accompany the monk fish?”
“What music should we play at the reception that all our guests would appreciate and also create a beautiful back drop for the champagne reception?”
Haven’t you both been working tirelessly to create a memorable day to remember for your family and friends also? With all of this love and effort you have been putting in to create a day to remember why would you add in a wild card?
For me this is easy, I feel you should respect your parents and keep them happy it’s also a very special day for them, they would have been dreaming of your wedding day since you were a little girl and wanting this great happiness for you.
So I feel on the day they should be able to feel comfortable in the presence of all your chosen guests and shouldn’t have to consider navigating around certain guests as they don’t want to end up in their company and feel uncomfortable.
I feel in the lead up to your day it may begin to cause concern for your parents especially if you have a receiving line and they have to engage in small talk and shake hands with your ex partners who they as you put it “despise”.
This in turn I feel will cause extra anxieties in the lead up to your day that you can do without.
So how to keep everyone happy?
You and your husband after the wedding, can send invites to your exes (indvidually I hope) to join you both and you can arrange a few light suppers at home. You can then share some of your wedding photos and all the funny and lovely stories from your day. I feel this is a really lovely way to make them feel included and they will be touched you took the time to arrange this for them.
Lots of Love